In exchange, I simply asked to serve as the Family Physician. Why do you think I’m indulging in all this very un-English love talk?’ ‘But you are idiot, Gérard. “Am I becoming reasonable or am I being tamed? “I’m simply discovering that life is many-sided and complex and puzzling. “I know,” she said quietly, “that Paris, where she has been so much admired, is not a good place for her. “Don’t you understand, Nigel,” she said softly, “that it was precisely for this I have worked so hard. You yourself supplied the details. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart.
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